38The Lord and his disciples were traveling along and came to a village. When they got there, a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39She had a sister named Mary, who sat down in front of the Lord and was listening to what he said. 40Martha was worried about all that had to be done. Finally, she went to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it bother you that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to come and help me!”
41The Lord answered, “Martha, Martha! You are worried and upset about so many things, 42but only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen what is best, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42
This story has been on my mind the last few days…. I have found myself being more of a martha recently… always finding something to do, somewhere to serve. I guess when it comes to the church I have always been that way. I am really searching to find a balance for that. I want to give and serve, but right now I just feel so worn out that I just need to take time and sit at the Masters feet and really absorb his teaching. I feel like church and even a major part of my relationship with God as a whole has become such a chore, so task oriented. I feel like I’ve lost a part of the relationship aspect that I used to thrive on. Even now as I find myself home with Payton all day I should have more “free” time on my hands to dive into prayer, bible reading and worship but somehow I always find something to do… laundry, cleaning, little errands and to do lists and of course right as I think about getting into prayer and bible reading and Payton wakes up. Then I get her back to sleep and the cycle starts over. At least I am conscious of it. That means I can make an effort to change it. It is truly just a choice. Verse 42 in the passage above Jesus tells Martha “Mary has chosen what is best and it will not be taken from her.” Just as Martha chose to worry about what needed to be done, Mary chose to sit and listen. Another revelation, she sat and listened she didn’t just pray her prayer list get up and walk away, she was still and listened to what Jesus had to say. Oh, how often I do the former more than the latter. It is so easy to go through my check list of prayer requests and jump up and go back to what needs to be done, rather than just sit and be.
So, heres a new beginning!
My how life has changed!! Here it is almost 9pm on a Saturday night and Chris is sitting on the couch playing with Payton, I just finished cleaning up the kitchen after a home cooked dinner. This time a year ago we would have been out doing something… hanging out, going out to eat or to a movie… I wouldn’t trade this life for anything though.
These last two weeks have been some of the craziest times of my life. Payton finally arrived and we couldn’t have been happier. She is the most perfect little girl. When we were in the hospital and the pediatrician came to see here we just didn’t have a good feeling about that doctor… she seemed so spacey. Payton was born on Tuesday and she told us to make an appointment for her the following Thursday, over a week later. Now, I was exclusively breastfeeding, and everything I read said that she should be seen within the first few days after leaving the hospital to make sure everything is going well with weight gain and such. When she was born she was exactly 7 pounds. When we left the hospital she was 6 pounds 8 ounces. Well, since we didn’t really get a good feeling from the pediatrician we made an appointment with a different doctor for Tuesday. We went in expecting everything to be normal, but she was down to 6 pounds 2 ounces. She also had only had one bowel movement since we brought her home from the hospital. But she lost 13% of her birth weight. Normal weight loss for an infant is no more than 10% of the birth weight, so the doctor had us admitted to the hospital. We started supplementing with formula and they monitored her weight gain. The first day she only gained 5 grams and still hadn’t had another bowel movement so they kept us overnight again. The second day she gained quite a bit more and was up to 6 pounds 5 ounces when we left. As miniscule as it may seem to be hospitalized for weight loss but as a first time mom I was a little scared. It was so hard to watch them try to take blood from her, she was so good though, barely cried. Me, on the other hand, I cried quite a bit. I was worried something might be really wrong. As it turns out they think she wasn’t getting enough nutrients from the breastmilk so her body was holding on to everything it could, which is why she wasn’t pooping. Being in that situation really made me appreciate the parents who have kids in the hospital full time. I can’t image that. Even just 2 days in the hospital wondering if everything was ok with my baby girl wore me out. I knew all along God was in control… but I have to admit I still struggled with worry. I feel like I went through mommy boot camp on crack. I’m thankful for the experience though… it really taught me a lot.
Being home with her the last couple of days has been nice. She is so sweet to watch. She makes the funniest faces and doesn’t even know it. I’m just in awe of the fact that just 2 weeks ago she was still inside my belly… No words can describe the depth of love that I have for this little life. I often find myself just staring at her, wondering what kind of plan God has for her life. I’m so thankful that he sees me fit to care for this little one. I know these past 2 weeks have gone by fast, and I’m sure time will continue to fly… but for now i’m content soaking in every moment with my little princess 🙂
Wow, as I sit here and write this I can hardly believe how much has changed in the last week. Last Sunday was my official due date… The day I had counted down for. It seemed so far away for so long! My parents, Chris and I actually went out sledding on my due date (I just took pictures, no sledding for me). Chris and I also decided to paint the wall in our bedroom that we had been putting off painting. I had been having contractions off and on for awhile. Last Saturday I was actually on the verge of going to the hospital because I thought it was time. I would have several intense contractions, and just when they got “regular” they would space out. Monday morning came and I had a doctors appointment, I was dilated to 3cm and about 80% effaced. Typically they would wait until 41 weeks to induce, but my parents were only in town until the end of the week so the doctor said I could go in after Midnight that night. After all this wondering and waiting it was really going to happen, she was going to be here!! I tried to rest as much as I could throughout the day, but my mind was racing… wondering how it would happen, what she would look like, what it would feel like. Around 9:30pm that night I laid down to try to get some rest… next thing I know I wake up and its 11:45pm and we were supposed to be at the hospital at 12… and it was snowing… good thing we were already packed! We got to the hospital, got checked in and set, and around 1:15am they started the Pitocin. They start it off at 2mg and say they can go up to 30mg. The contractions started coming pretty soon after they got the Pitocin going, they started off pretty mild. I thought this isn’t too bad…. haha, I had no idea! They only got the Pitocin up to 6mg before turning off the drip because my body took over on its own. Suddenly around 3:30-4am they took a turn from tolerable to intense. The nurse checked and I had made enough progress for them to give me the epidural. Oh, what a miracle that was. I was a little nervous about the actual process of getting the epidural but it wasn’t painful at all. I was able to get some rest after getting the epidural. The nurse came in again to check me around 6:15am and right as she was getting ready to check if I had dilated more my water broke on its own. That was a crazy feeling…. a loud pop and gush. After the water broke they were having a hard time finding Paytons heartbeat so they gave me internal monitors. My doctor came in around 8:30am and said I was 8-9cm and I would probably have a baby before lunch time. The doctor and nurses all left the room and just a little after 9am I had to call the nurse back in because I was feeling pressure and the urge to push. She checked and I was fully dilated and ready to go. I started pushing but it was so painful they had to come and readjust the epidural. After they fixed that I was good to go. I pushed for a little more than an hour, they kept telling me her head was right there and I just needed to push a little harder. I didn’t believe them. I just got into the zone and kept going. There was a good 15 minutes I wasn’t sure she was going to come out. I had my eyes closed and just kept pushing until my mom told me to open my eyes cause she was coming out. The flood of emotions was outrageous. They had to take her away right away because she swallowed some meconium, even just looking at her from across the room I was already so enamored with her. She was absolutely perfect. 7 pounds even, 20 1/4 inches long born at 10:48am. She came out with precious pink skin and to my surprise some peach fuzz! I thought for sure she would have dark hair. I’m sure it will get darker, mine did. When they finally brought her to me it was just unbelievable that this precious little girl lived inside me and was now here with us. It is just so miraculous the way God designed our bodies to be able to do this. Recovery has been a lot easier than I expected. I was up and around within just hours after giving birth. I know this is just the beginning of a lifetime of memorable moments with our little one.