I don’t know it all.
I’m not a doctor or a nutritionist.
I’m just a girl on a journey to lose weight and live my dreams.
When I first started blogging I did it to simply share my journey with others and inspire them to find their own journey. I was struggling to find my way on this weight loss journey and I know that if I was, others were too. Then somewhere along the way I started seeing progress, little by little. And for some people it may have seemed like I found the answers. The truth is, I haven’t. I still struggle. It almost seems like the more I learn the more confused I am. The funny thing is I put myself in this place. I’m my own biggest enemy sometimes.
I’m at a place in my weight loss journey where I just feel stuck. I have lost around 25lbs in the last year, which is amazing and something to be proud of. But I’ve also been in the same 5-8lb range for the last 6 months. Yes, I’m building muscle. And no, I shouldn’t care what the scale says… but I still do. I feel like with all the work I’ve put in I should see some kind of change on the scale. It may be a lying whore… but does it really lie that much for that long?
Sometimes I feel like people who say don’t worry about your weight are the ones who are within sprinting distance of their goal or healthy weight. Reality is that I am obese. At 5’3″ and 190lbs my BMI is calculated at 33.7 – which is in the Obese category. I know these scales are flawed as well… but it still shows that I have a ways to go before I get into the “healthy weight” category. Based on my height I would have to weight 169 to get into the “overweight” category… and down to 140 before getting into the healthy range. Again – I know these scales aren’t perfect and don’t take into account muscle and what not. I’m just trying to give you a picture of how far I still have to go…
The thing I’m honestly struggling with right now is my relationship with food. Everyone has an opinion on it…. Eat this, don’t eat that… Count Calories… points… macros… Just eat clean… It’s just SO much to take in. I preached for awhile that Paleo worked for me… and it did when I was I was strict… but the truth is I just don’t like being strict Paleo. Not because it doesn’t work, but because I struggle with crazy guilt when I eat something not Paleo. The whole30 didn’t help with that either. It was great and I felt good – but I didn’t feel like it was sustainable long term. I feel like the guilt I struggle with when going “off plan” is more harmful than eating that way 80% of the time is helpful.
So what does all this mean? It just means I’m taking the labels off myself. I’m going to start tracking my calories and keeping them within a reasonable range. I still will make healthy food choices, mostly likely using the framework of Paleo eating as a guide for good choices… but by taking the label off myself (which I put on myself in the first place) I’m giving my mind a little freedom. If I want a taco instead of a taco salad, I’ll eat it without guilt. It is that guilt that derails me every time. Well, if I’m gonna cheat… I may as well cheat big… blah blah blah. So by allowing myself some freedom I’ll be more at peace with myself. And I need that.
Have you experienced food guilt?