inferiority complex

I haven’t talked much about it on the blog, but I am in school to get a BA in Psychology. One of the classes I’m taking right now is Theories of Personality and it just so happens that during this week’s reading I read about Adler’s Inferiority Complex. It began with his studies on Organ Inferiority. The theory was that certain organs that may have problems they have to work to overcome actually end up being stronger than those that hadn’t had issues. He translated this idea to psychology as well, basically saying we all experience feelings of inferiority as children. Some people, he theorized, feel so inferior in certain areas they work so hard on that particular thing that it eventually becomes a strength.

So basically by feeling inferior we motivate ourselves to make our biggest weakness into our biggest strength.

This rings so true to me where I am right now in my life and journey. For so long I’ve been great at almost everything I have set my mind to. I got good grades in high school, always advanced quickly in the workplace, had great relationships with people… but the one thing I couldn’t conquer was my fitness. I knew that I would have to work harder on this major weakness than I did on any of my other natural strength. I may have been blessed with a sharp mind but a strong body has been harder to come by. I can’t count the number of times I have felt inferior because of my body or fitness level.

That time when I couldn’t try on all the cute prom dresses because they didn’t come in my size. That time the appliance delivery man asked when I was due (oh ya, that was just a few months ago). That time I couldn’t go on the hiking trip because I couldn’t run the mile fast enough. That time I couldn’t pass the Physical Fitness Test in ROTC. All those times, painful as they were, led to me being motivated enough to focus on my weakness and turn it into a strength. I will be a “normal” size. I will hike pike’s peak. I will be able to perform all aspects of the PFT. I will punch the delivery guy in the face… oops, got carried away with that one… (poor guy actually felt worse than I did for the record).

While fitness as a whole is the main “inferiority” that I am overcoming I have found that I have several smaller areas within the fitness realm that I am trying to focus on improving.

One is box jumps. Uhm, hello biggest fear. It’s so stupid.

Today at CrossFit the WOD included a bunch of box jumps. The smallest box they have is 18″. That is like above my knee! (What? I’m short!) I have this fear of wiping out, missing the box, or a mixture of both. Like, I haven’t even been able to work up the courage to actually try it. I got so mad at myself for it today. I ended up doing step ups instead of jumps during the WOD, and stayed after for awhile trying to get myself to do it but I couldn’t.

As I drove home I promised myself I would do whatever it took to conquer that fear and turn that weakness into a strength.

And I will. Watch me.

 What is something that you consider a weakness that you want to turn into a strength?

 

Self-Sabotage

Time is going too fast. I blinked and its already Thursday! To be honest, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. I wish there was a way to just pause life for a day to catch up on everything I feel behind in…. School, Housework, Random Projects, Work Projects, Vacation, Family time… But that’s not going to happen, So I’m trying to figure out how to be more aware of how I spend my time.

Lately a lot of my time has been focused on taking control of my health and fitness, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. A few 5am CrossFit workouts, lots of miles in between, and choosing to fuel my body right. It’s work. I enjoy it most of the time because I feel stronger, healthier, better. I had a good week last week. Tomorrow is the week 2 check in and I haven’t seen as big of numbers as I did last week. I struggled with some discouragement and self doubt at the beginning of the week. Heck, let’s be honest here… I struggle with self doubt more often than I’d like to admit. I have “started” and re-started weight loss programs, goals and lifestyles more times than I can count. Some times they have been flippant attempts to quiet the guilty voice in my head. But the last 2 years (since having Little Dreamer, really) I have been seriously passionate about it. I guess she is good motivation. I’ve been following quite a few Healthy Living Blogs in that time as well. This is where it gets kinda sticky…

See that comparison trap is lethal. I see amazing transformations of people who chose to make healthy living a priority. I start to compare myself to them. That voice of self doubt comes and tells me I will never be able to be that fit. I mean, I’ve already been trying to lose weight seriously for 2 years… and while I’ve lost all the weight from pregnancy… I’m only a few pounds away from where I was before baby. I start to wonder if I’ll ever be able to be where I want to be. Will I ever be fast enough? fit enough? strong enough? Sure I’ve made some noticeable improvements, but then I start to discount them. I sabatoge my own progress. It’s really a vicious cycle.

Source

This time around I am more determined than ever to find my inner strength and translate that into outer strength. It’s time to stop listening to the voice of doubt. Stop discounting the progress that I have made. Stop sabotaging myself. It’s time to be painfully honest.

I have to start believing in myself. Don’t let the inner fat girl keep telling me I can’t. Because I can.

This song has been on my heart lately, such an encouragement for the struggles that I’ve been walking through.

 

“So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose? Your insecurities try to hold to you. You know you’re made for more, so don’t be afraid to move. Your faith is all it takes and you can walk on the water too…”

step out.
Even when its storming
step out.
Even when you’re broken
step out.
Even when your heart is telling you telling you to give up
step out.
When your hope is stolen
step out.
You can’t see where you’re going
You don’t have to be afraid

Have you ever struggled with self-doubt or self-sabotage?

Toxic vs Truth

There are a few bloggers out there who just had an idea. Maggie from GussySews and Kacia from CoconutRobot started going through the Soul Detox plan on the YouVersion app together and invited the rest of the virtual world to join. I started a little bit late but have almost caught up. Today #SheReadsTruth is on day 15 of this 35 day devotional. This has just been so fitting for where I’m at right now. In life in general I’ve been struggling with negative thoughts. In my fitness journey I’ve been struggling with negative thoughts.

That I’m not _______ enough (strong enough, healthy enough, mom enough, that my house isn’t clean enough, that i’m just.not.good.enough)

And while I “know” that these are just a way to keep me from striving to be who I have been called to be, I still let them effect me. These words and thoughts are toxic. They are suffocating. They will slowly kill this hungry soul of mine that is longing to live. When given permission (the truth is if we don’t tell them to go, we are inviting them to stay) they loom over my soul like a dark cloud. For the last few days I have be evicting these toxic words and thoughts from my soul. After telling them to leave it is important to fill that empty place with life-giving words of truth. Today I was reading through the James 3:1-18 for Day 11 and this part really stood out to me…

Live well, Live wise, Live humbly. It’s the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts.

Actions speak louder than words, we’ve been told that forever. The words that we allow to live in our souls are what our actions stem from. If the words you dwell on are toxic, your actions will most likely be toxic as well. It’s time to take control of our words and thoughts and let truth live.

If you want to hop on the #SheReadsTruth devotional it’s not too late. Search the hashtag on twitter or instagram and follow @SheReadsTruth on twitter and instagram as well.

What are some toxic thoughts that you have struggled with? How do you overcome those thoughts?