Once again I find myself unable to sleep. I tossed and turned in bed for about an hour, then for the sake of my soundly sleeping husband decided to come downstairs so he could continue to rest. I looked out the window to find the ground covered in a thick blanket of white. Something about that seems so magical… at least it does from the inside looking out. I’d change my mind rather quickly if I had to go out in it I’m sure.
Fast Forward a few hours….
Its now almost 9am. I drifted off to sleep for a short 30 minutes and then woke up to make sure chris woke up for work. I was really looking forward to today seeing as it was our weekly doctors appointment…. I was hoping to see some progress and possibly schedule an induction to give me some sort of date to look forward to rather than having this uncertainty… Then my phone rings and its the doctors office… turns out my doctor has the flu so she won’t be in today… my appointment got rescheduled for thursday. I’m hoping that maybe I’ll go into labor before than, but at this point I don’t know if that will ever happen. So, now here I am all ready to go… and no place to go! And of course it snowed all night so the roads are bad… so I can’t go anywhere. Guess thats ok though, I can take a nap to catch up on the sleep i’ve missed the last few nights….
so here I am sitting downstairs in a dark quiet house at 6:30 in the morning because I just can’t seem to get back to sleep. I wish I could say it was horrible contraction pains that woke me up, but it wasn’t. I have been having some mild contractions off and on, but nothing to warrant a trip to the hospital. I was so sure that I would have this baby already… but apparently she has other plans. I know, I know… first time moms usually go “late”… but I was sure I was different. So, I find myself home on maternity leave and running out of things to clean and organize!! I will say, however, it has been nice to relax and really start to wrap my mind around the idea that i’m about to become a mom. I think throughout the entire pregnancy i’ve been keeping myself so busy its just in these last few weeks its becoming “real”. As I sit on the couch watching TV and look over at the swing and bouncer in the next room I try to imagine what life will look like with a little one. I wonder what she’ll look like and what kind of a personality she’ll have. The magnitude of this life change is starting to hit home… for the last 2 1/2 years its been just me and Chris. For the rest of our lives it will be our “family”. In some ways I don’t feel nearly old enough to be having a child of my own, but I know that Chris and I are going to be great parents and the timing is perfect.
The “nervousness” of labor and delivery has quickly faded into anxiousness of when will this baby be here? I’m not really scared at all. I’m more excited than anything. I’m ready to get this show on the road! The thing is I have no control over when she decides to come. Maybe thats the hardest part… just not knowing. She’s already calling the shots and she’s not even here yet!!
So here I am playing the waiting game… trying my best to be patient…. But anxiously looking forward to having a precious little one to share life with.
I will strive to be a physical example of Christ’s love poured out to those around me, inspiring them to do the same. I will be a woman of excellence serving Christ first, family second and others third. I will give my life to take the gospel to the unreached of Latin America so that they too can proclaim the greatness of God’s love and salvation until He returns.
That was my “vision statement” that I wrote at the Honor Academy in April 2005. I feel like the first two sentences are still dead on, however, since then my heart has become heavy for the church of America. I still love Latin America and would love to spend some time sharing the gospel there, but right now I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be as far as location goes. After last weekend’s focus seminar I’ve decided to follow that vision statement up with something fresh. So here it is.
I am a passionate, grateful and secure woman.
I am passionate about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am passionate about seeing lives changed and freedom brought to those who are held captive. I will develop habits that will cause my passion and zeal for life to grow . I will not be satisfied just living life, I will passionately pursue my divine purpose, wherever that may lead. I am passionate about my family and friends and I commit to purposefully pursue deeper relationships that will lead to growth in my own life as well.
I am grateful for everyday I get to wake up and have another opportunity to live this life. I am grateful for the opportunities that have come disguised as obstacles. I am grateful that I have the power to choose joy in every situation. I am grateful for all the blessings I have been given and that I am able to give out of the overflow rather than to give out of emptiness.
I am secure in who I am and who God has made me to be. I know that regardless of relationships in my life I will be secure knowing that I am a daughter of the King and I am loved and cherished. My worth and security come from God alone.
I will be a loving, patient and confident wife and mother. I will strive to show Christ’s love to my husband and daughter. I am committed to being a parter in their physical, emotional and spiritual growth.